Where I Am Today!

08 Sep Where I Am Today!

Celebrate good times, come on!

Here we are on the eve of something special. Do you know what today is? (Happy birthday to me!)

You’ve given me the best present in the world, you know. It’s because of you and the many women I’ve been fortunate enough to develop bonds of sisterhood with that I am who I am today. I get to see the world with women just like me. I collect new experiences everywhere I go. I’ve shared this journey the last forty days with you and for that I am grateful.

I’ve shared what I had to share with my younger selves in my blog posts these past weeks.

Let’s celebrate by looking at the things I know for sure!  Now that I am entering the forty club!.

Here’s Where I’m At!

• I am more intentional about extending grace because I realize just how much I need it!
• I am better at not sweating the small stuff.
• I’ve learned not to take myself so seriously.
• I KNOW that God IS working things out for my good.
• I believe in myself.
• I’m overflowing with love!
• I am at peace and I understand that I am responsible for maintaining my peace.
• Getting to be me is the best!
• I’m going vegan. I miss cheese already! Pray for me! My body despises meat, dairy and eggs. I get sick 75% of the time after I eat those things so I gotta get it together!
• I’m better at going with the flow.
• I have embraced not having every detail of my life planned and executed.
• I love my blonde natural hair and red lipstick!– two things that my father use to say were associated with loose women! My daddy has grown too, because he told me I looked fine and happy with my new look.
• I like myself and I am proud of the woman that I am.
• I am no longer hiding parts of myself. It’s all me baby! Take it or leave it!
• Forgiveness is an everyday exercise. I forgive myself and others for not “getting it right.”
• I am more determined than ever not to let fear rule my thoughts or my decisions!
• I’ve visited 50 countries!!! My momma would be so stinking proud! She had never traveled outside of the United States.
• Starting to see myself in my heroes! I understand Harriet Tubmans’ motivation to risk her life to give her family and her people freedom. There’s James Baldwin’s quote: “To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage almost all the time.” Sometimes I’m downright pissed off at the treatment of Black people in America.
• I am clear that my values are Freedom, Family, Community, and relationship with God. My life’s priorities align with my values.
• I know that I will make a home wherever in the world that I settle.

Where do I go from here?

I’ve mentioned in other posts that I tend to overwhelm myself, take on too much and never take a second to stop. Here I am on the other side of the world right now having an amazing time, but I’m still not doing much breathing.

Ha!  I suppose that’s the next lesson that I will tackle, taking more breaks.  But today, I’m fueled by a fire a renewed sense of purpose and passion that will not allow me to stand still.   I have filled the open spaces in my heart with the bonds of sisterhood that I develop throughout my travels.   My “escape” from my hometown and the pursuit of prescriptions given to me for success opened the door for me reach personal contentment and happiness. I’ve learned that if I can avoid seeing the way my life didn’t go, I’ll feel more confident about the way that it did.

It’s okay if the satisfaction that I derive from life isn’t the same as the next woman’s. In the past I spent way too much time comparing myself to others to want to worry about this anymore. I am confident in the choices that brought me here. As scared as I am of moving forward, I’m far more afraid of standing still.

Today I’m in front of the bathroom mirror, washing my hands.

I make eye contact with myself.

I finally stop for a moment and I ask… “What now?”